So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
