There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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