i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
