I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize