She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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