We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
