I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
