i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
