But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
