Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
