Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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