Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
