we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
