I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I currently don't understand fingers.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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