I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Semen is not good for contacts.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
