How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
