I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
