I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
