$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
