I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
