I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i love accidental penises.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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