walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
