be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
nutella sex= disaster
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
