please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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