the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You ate ashes out of my bong
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
