I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
