if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
