My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
