Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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