i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
