man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
