i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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