1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
