Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
