Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize