I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
