I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
