It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
