its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
