I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
