I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
