coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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