Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
