3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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