He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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