You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
