I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
