I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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