Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
