You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
