Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ketchup is God's man juice
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
