Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
