so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
