dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
