the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
