Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
