Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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