Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
