This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize