Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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