Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
