Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
