what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
