That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
