I hate your face
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was CRYING into my vagina
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
