We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
