while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
