im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
where does the pee come out of this thing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
