I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
