Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
