'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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