I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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