that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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