Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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