I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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