I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize