That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
