for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i believe in u and ur pee
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