I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize