Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
