I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
