he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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