I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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