Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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