I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
