I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
