I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
