How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
