Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
