We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
