Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
