she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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