You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize