i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
