I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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